The wild plot bunny is a dangerous creature. Unlike it’s kinder, gentler, fluffier cousin, the plot bunny is viscous. It jumps on unsuspecting people, biting with it’s oversized teeth and sharp claws. Anyone is at risk of being attacked – writers and readers alike.
How to Protect Yourself
1. Wear Protective Clothing – The plot bunny is especially fond of comfort clothing. Avoid sweat pants, t-shirts and fuzzy socks at all costs. Yes, I know this will come as heart-ache to many of you. I myself mourned the loss of my green fuzzy socks, but trust me, you’re life is worth it!
2. Don’t Be Alone - It has been my experience that the plot bunny picks on solitary figures. Whether you are walking the dog, getting groceries, or doing the laundry, if you are on your own your mind will wander. Once distracted, the plot bunny will see this weakness and will pounce! My advice…don’t do laundry!
3. Watch What You Eat – The plot bunny is an addict. Chocolate, chips, coffee, mint Girl Guide Cookies (I’m selling them btw if you want any), are all favourites of the plot bunny. As these are staples for most writers, a decoy is necessary. Have carrots, beets and other “healthy foods” on hand. If you spot a plot bunny, THROW THIS AT THEM! They will flee in terror, leaving your cookies alone.
What To Do If You Are Attacked
Don’t Panic! If there are a group of plot bunnies, the most important thing you can do is not move. Many of them will lose interest and wander off. If you have a persistent attacker, the best thing you can do is try to distract it. Sacrifice the cookies if you have to!
If it is a single plot bunny attacking, you may have the opportunity to capture the creature. I will not tell you how to do this (safety protocols prevent me from doing so), but if you manage it, do your best to domesticate the creature. You never know what the end result will be.
*This post is the result of too much cold medication*
I LOVE THIS!! Although, I’m still at a loss how a bunny can bite with sharp claws???? and having beats (beets??) on hand to throw is an excellent idea except in a light coloured room! CSI might show up with their neat police gear and being forced to explain the “red splatter” might get embarrassing.
All kidding aside having a “plot bunny attack” alibi for when the laundry isn’t done is BRILLIANT!
Thanks for the giggle – hope you’re feeling better soon!
Ah hon, too many cold meds are a bad thing in my world. My spelling goes to pot. My girls have been playing Rayman Raving Rabbits (or something like that) on the Wii recently. I think this came from watch them beat bunnies with plungers.
Laundry should be avoided whenever possible. LOL!
You can always send a few plot bunnies my way. Sometimes I think I could use a few of those little guys.