No one claimed being any type of artist was easy. For the most part, friends and family don’t get what you do (even the really supportive ones), you are constantly battling self doubt, only to put your work out there and pray someone likes it. Those of us who do it have our own reasons for what drives us on. Sometimes, those reasons get a bit muddy.
I really love being a writer–but it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve never questioned my own ability to accomplish what I set out to do in my life. I wanted to write a book. I wanted to be published. I did and I am. Next on my list, I want to have an agent and be published with a NY house. I will…only a matter of time. But I’m impatient with myself. Honestly, it’s one of my greatest faults.
Why am I rambling on about all this? No, I’m not trying to toot my own horn, looking for sympathy, or prove I’m some sort of uber-awesome person. To be honest, I’m finding myself slipping. My writer self has been going through some soul searching recently. I’ve been asking myself some questions (what do I hope to accomplish? how am I going to get there?) and I’ve come to the realization that I’ve lost sight of why I wanted to be a writer in the first place.
I love telling stories. I like making shit up and getting a reaction out of people. If you’ve ever met me, you know I’m even worse in person. That drive to entertain is something very deeply ingrained in me.
Recently, I’ve lost sight of that.
I’ve been finding myself drifting. I’m more concerned with writing to the market. While that’s important, it can also be stifling. While I want to advance my career, I need to be true to myself. This is the reason I haven’t been able to do much recently. I’ve been feeling trapped as a writer–not quite good enough to go in one direction, but wanting a new challenge.
So, I’ve come over to my blog and am giving myself an opportunity to get all these thoughts out of my head and onto the virtual paper. I need to look at them and figure out what I need to do to move forward. I know a lot of you out there who read my blog are also writers. I’m asking for your advice as well. How do you keep yourself going and focused?
My motivation has slipped, but it’ not gone.
Christine, don’t worry. I think a lot of people start feeling like this in the summertime. We get lazy because we want to sit back and soak in the sun, and somehow laziness starts translating into lack of motivation.
But (and you know I feel you here, too) it can also be frustrating sometimes when you know you’re READY to move forward and everything around you seems to be holding you back. Publishing is a very SLOW business no matter how you look at it.
Still, sometimes we can find motivation by switching gears and trying something that will make your brain work in a different way (like I did) or you can have motivation forced upon you–by having me kick your ass
See if you can come back to having Fun with the work. I know I went through a patch–while I was pregnant and exhausted and struggling to meet deadlines–that I lost sight of the fun. Try a new genre or a new voice and write something purely for you. Then you might find it’s easier to get back on track.
anna
I am ALLLLLLLL over the impatience thing. ALL over it.
Come here so I can smack you. Not good enough to go in your own direction???
Girlfriend.
Stop sweating what’ll sell and what won’t. Listen to Anna, who I have a lot of respect for. Write what’s in your heart and if there’s an audience for it, we’ll find a way to get it to them. Markets change, after all.
Thanks everyone. You know those days that we all have…yeah, I’ve been having a month like that.
JK, you have permission to kick my ass next time you see me. I really need it.
Anna, I think that’s my problem. The fun got sucked away somehow and became work. I haven’t caught that vibe back yet.
Kelly, it’s always been my downfall. I want everything RIGHT NOW. I’m trying to get better with that.
Susan, you’re a sweetie. I’ve just got the rejection blues. I need to get over myself. Thankfully, I have a great group of friends to help me out.
HUGS!
I think we share a brain, Christine… or were separated at birth. I’ve been going through the exact same thing… It’s so hard to keep believing and just write.
I came back from the RWA conference all fired up to just write w/o worrying about whether I was doing the right project or whether it would sell… but who knows how long this new motivation will last.
I could tell you a semi embarassing story and hopefully it helps you. LOL. I wrote my first book in 1994. In 1998 I sent out to a few agents, was rejected (some were quite mean…LOL), and I didn’t try again to be published until this year. Year after year though I kept writing. I have, to be embarassingly honest, book shelves with 3 ring binders of books I wrote just because I love to write. I wrote for me, to make myself happy, and if my friends happened to love them… that was a bonus. LOL. They still come to my house and borrow my books they want to re-read like I’m the library of Laura. LOL. I guess I had all those years to know why I was writing so I never doubt why I do it. I write because it’s just something I love so much that I’m even willing to do it for myself year after year.
That’s what motivates me. I turn around and look at all those big thick binders and there are A LOT of them… to know I’ll keep writing no matter what. I have 4 kids, a hubby, 4 cats, all shoved in 1,200 square feet. I write in my living room (A.K.A central station). I put on headphones, blast my MP3 player to block out the sounds, and keep my nose planted in front of my computer screen just to find the happy place I go to escape it all. LOL. If I can write under those circumstances… look on your bright side. LOL.
Motivation is that life sucks often. In life… we rarely have control. When someone writes… life doesn’t suck in whatever world they created because there’s going to be a happy ending if they write it. LOL. Aliens exist, werewolves are sexy hot, cowboys don’t spit chew and have beer bellies that rival most pregnant women… lol. Writing is a gift, a talent, and you can’t do it unless you love it because it literally is putting peices of yourself in each book you write. I love what you write and you have a deep gift and talent. Sometimes it does help to hear it. I’m picky and I think you’re really a great story teller. I can’t wait to read whatever you put out because I know it’s going to be good. Write what is inside you. Markets are a challenge. It’s a good thing to keep you on your toes.
Look around you and find your motivation. It’s there somewhere. Mine is just unavoidable since damn are those binders big. LOL. If all else fails, go to a book review site, find the worst book according to them, and go buy it. Nothing makes me want to write more than reading some book that made me think… were they high? Blind? Mistake total loser for sexy hot??? LOL. You’ll find it and get it back. You’re a writer. Writers are a tough breed. Blow your diet, pamper yourself a bit, and then get back into the chair. : )
Maureen, it can be so hard some days. To keep that motivation and positive outlook in the face of so much negativity…it wears you down after awhile.
Laura, thank you for sharing your story with me. Hearing things like this really does help give me a boost. I write because it makes me happy. I just need to keep focused on that.
HUGS!
OMG – I don’t actually remember writing this post, but I obviously did.
Let me know when our problem is solved, kay?
Hope you’re having a blast in NB.
We did the 15 hours drive to T.Bay a few weeks ago. It was more hell on me than on the kidlets!! LOL But we survived (barely)
Hope to see you in Aug!!