No one claimed being any type of artist was easy. For the most part, friends and family don’t get what you do (even the really supportive ones), you are constantly battling self doubt, only to put your work out there and pray someone likes it. Those of us who do it have our own reasons for what drives us on. Sometimes, those reasons get a bit muddy.
I really love being a writer–but it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve never questioned my own ability to accomplish what I set out to do in my life. I wanted to write a book. I wanted to be published. I did and I am. Next on my list, I want to have an agent and be published with a NY house. I will…only a matter of time. But I’m impatient with myself. Honestly, it’s one of my greatest faults.
Why am I rambling on about all this? No, I’m not trying to toot my own horn, looking for sympathy, or prove I’m some sort of uber-awesome person. To be honest, I’m finding myself slipping. My writer self has been going through some soul searching recently. I’ve been asking myself some questions (what do I hope to accomplish? how am I going to get there?) and I’ve come to the realization that I’ve lost sight of why I wanted to be a writer in the first place.
I love telling stories. I like making shit up and getting a reaction out of people. If you’ve ever met me, you know I’m even worse in person. That drive to entertain is something very deeply ingrained in me.
Recently, I’ve lost sight of that.
I’ve been finding myself drifting. I’m more concerned with writing to the market. While that’s important, it can also be stifling. While I want to advance my career, I need to be true to myself. This is the reason I haven’t been able to do much recently. I’ve been feeling trapped as a writer–not quite good enough to go in one direction, but wanting a new challenge.
So, I’ve come over to my blog and am giving myself an opportunity to get all these thoughts out of my head and onto the virtual paper. I need to look at them and figure out what I need to do to move forward. I know a lot of you out there who read my blog are also writers. I’m asking for your advice as well. How do you keep yourself going and focused?
My motivation has slipped, but it’ not gone.
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